If I Had A Billion Dollars, I’d Buy The President

July 14, 2025 — If I had a billion dollars, I’d buy the president.

And perhaps American democracy, too. It certainly seems available for purchase.

Back in 2012, I observed how the then-recent Citizens United decision and an increasingly polarized, entertainment-driven media complex could undermine American democracy:

The American political system is not perfect and there are many ways that we could work to improve it. However, it seems the system is moving in the wrong direction. The media is becoming more partisan and sensationalized, and elections are being bought by millionaires and corporations. If these issues are not addressed in the coming years, we risk losing qualified candidates, and we will pick between two horses, funded and nearly handpicked by the wealthiest Americans.

Well, here we are!

So, just how difficult is it to BUY the president? I suppose it depends on the extent of your designs. How much do you need to get done? If it’s just one or two small things, which will serve as the hallmark of your professional and personal legacy, and can occur with a Simple Wave of the Hand by the President, then you might only be set back a few thousand dollars, if you know the right people!

Here at Sometimes Weekly, we advise a contribution of at least $50,000, just to be safe. That’ll get you into a nice dinner (and you might even get to touch Eric or Don Jr.!).

But, let’s be honest. That’s small potatoes.

In this scenario, I have a billion dollars and my designs are quite extensive. They involve several industries—in fact, my designs involve the core ideas on which this country was founded and has progressed toward, in general, with significant advancements made over the last century with the New Deal and Era of Civil Rights.

Luckily, in this scenario, I’m a benevolent billionaire. So my designs are to protect this progress-based organizational construct of self-determination while working to advance its efficiency toward generating opportunity for equality and advancement, primarily by legislating greed and lawlessness (particularly greed and lawlessness perpetrated by corporations and their wealthy benefactors). Our Republic should not die because of their selfish interests. Though, ironically, we must admit: the task of protecting democracy will certainly require more than a billion dollars, so let us hope there are other imaginary billionaires who are on our imaginary side in this imaginary battle.

Now, what if I had a billion dollars and wasn’t so benevolent?

What if, in a strange turn of events, access to a cartoonish amount of wealth destroyed my ability to experience the human emotion of empathy? What if I was a member of the new tech baron billionaire class, for example? A Peter Thiel-type, like Marc Andreessen and Elon Musk?

Well, I’d certainly be happy with our current projected reality: three years of Trump-infused chaos and insanity, which has a 100% chance of ending in an extremely predictable blaze of horror. And after that metaphorical nuclear explosion, I’d be very happy with President Vance, who I already own.

Back in March 2023, I wrote about the Intellectual Dark Web. It should be noted that this group is now largely in power, along with the Silicon Valley Mindset, and increasingly represents and controls mainstream American thinking and culture. In October 2023, after attending RFK Jr.’s third-party announcement in Philadelphia, I described this group as: “a different and emerging establishment that … sure seems interested in dismantling our liberal democratic institutions.”

To ignore this cultural shift is to willfully concede any chance at competing electorally, politically, ideologically, and so on. But to compete, it must be understood that the default operating system for nearly half of America no longer includes a strong belief in liberal democracy through the form of a constitutional Republic.

There are some very rich and powerful people who have realized this, insofar as they have contributed to its active destruction. And now, they’re in the process of taking over our government.

So, the question remains: What if I had a billion dollars?

Well, I’d want in on the action myself!

I’d buy a few Senators. A baker’s dozen o’ Congressmen. Maybe even a Supreme Court Justice or two. The golden goose, we all know, would be to own the President. But, from my vantage point, that seems achievable, and relatively inexpensive. I may not realize my entire agenda (the general advancement of our great American democracy) but perhaps I could further enshrine voting rights, or maybe restore national health care access, including to abortions, if I spent my money wisely. Could I then limit the power of corporations and the super rich? Maybe. It would certainly be difficult. Until we solve that problem, our Republic remains at risk.

But, if I had a billion dollars, I’d give it the ol’ college try.

All the other billionaires are, anyway.

Especially the insane ones.

Albany, NY
July 2025

“Honesty is a very expensive gift, Don’t expect it from cheap people.”

Warren Buffett