In today’s outrageous political atmosphere, you might think you’ve seen it all. High-ranking American government officials teleporting to Waffle House, that stuff happening with Kristi Noem’s wife, and even a president who seems to have small strokes on television somewhat regularly.
The atmosphere, so tainted, seems ripe for a hero. Enter the liberal media’s new political darling: Tim Heidecker, the recently-announced “creative director” of The Onion’s latest iteration of Infowars. Through exclusive reporting, I have obtained video of Infowars’ creative director, Tim Heidecker, admitting he drinks piss from a jug.
Okay, so what? Whatever Tim Heidecker does in his own time — even if it’s drinking piss — that’s between him and his God (or lack thereof!). And I agree, fair enough. Who isn’t a libertarian, aesthetically and rhetorically, when it comes to drinking piss in private? But, dear reader, I’m afraid the depravity doesn’t stop there.
In this unearthed video obtained exclusively by Sometimes Weekly and shared just below, it’s made clear that Mr. Heidecker is actively trying to spread his depraved piss-centered ideology to others, especially the youth and white men. The newly launched Infowars Merch Store includes a $350 “Turn Your Piss Into Gold” kit that ships with an “Appraisal Jug.”
Um, excuse me?
I had high hopes that The Onion’s acquisition would bring with it a new pathway, a different narrative — a narrative that was compelling and perhaps as engaging and ‘entertaining’ as the narratives offered by Alex Jones, who doesn’t drink piss, at least I don’t think, but without the primary objective of destroying the viewer’s soul through fear, manipulation, and social isolation. It’s unfortunate to see, then, that The Onion had decided to cede creative control over to a piss-drinker who, it sure appears, doesn’t have a fresh drop of creativity in his body.
With Heidecker’s brand of shock-jock humor, The Onion has further flushed their golden opportunity to relaunch Infowars right down the toilet. Sploosh, gargle, SPLUNK! Their second attempt is a real Number Two! It’s no surprise, either, that Heidecker is an avowed Democratic Socialist, supporting woke leftist policies like free, accessible health care and affordable education and taxing rich people more.
In the exclusive video acquired through gonzo-inspired reporting tactics, a half-naked Heidecker can be seen publicly performing his piss ritual with “The Yellow River Boys” and Vic Berger, a known menace, at a D.C.-based venue with known ties to Christian fundamentalism. In it, Heidecker brags about drinking piss and provokes an unruly crowd into a mad frenzy, suggesting they all participate in urine consumption after chugging “a two gallon jug of apple juice.”
At time of publication, Heidecker has refused to comment. This post will be updated if and when he responds.
Correction: An earlier version of this story incorrectly referred to Heidecker’s urine-themed musical group as “The Yellow River Band.”
SOMETIMES WEEKLY EXCLUSIVE VIDEO
WARNING: GRAPHIC IMAGERY, VERBAL AND VISUAL, INCLUDING PROFANITY.